Here's the chapter that's been looonnnnggg over due:
-F
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Previously...
It wasn't more than 15 minutes until my mom came into the nurse's office with a 3abaya thrown over her head, her hijab barley covering all her hair and her face paler than ever. She's followed in by my dad who gave me the coldest look like I've just killed someone. They went over to the nurse to introduce themselves and she tells them what happened…
"Well some boys said they saw Fahad go over to his classmate Jasim in the changing room with the intention of picking a fight. From what we were told, Fahad has been bullying Jasim since the first day of school and when he tried to hit him in the stalls Jasim only hit back in self defense with the help of a couple other boys."
WHAT?!
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"HE'S LYING!" I shouted my voice raspy barely audible "wallah he's lying," tears started forming in my eyes "you know I wouldn’t."
"3amy let me explain, Fahad wasn't the one…" my dad gave her one look and she went silent again then he turned to me, his face red with anger "Chub wala kilma. I'll deal with you when I get home" he then asked for Noura to be kicked out. Even though I begged the nurse to let her stay, she followed my father's request and told her to leave.
The nurse went on, "your boy has a couple injuries but nothing too serious. According to school rules, he will be suspended for one day since it's his first offence. I recommend he go see a doctor tomorrow and take the rest of the week off to recover."
While my dad was paying attention to the nurse my mom was looking at me with a strange look on her face. It was a mixture of disappointment, sadness, and concern. But there was something else… her eyes were studying my bruises. Going from one to another almost like she knew something wasn’t right.
Her attention was brought back to the room when my dad got up and thanked the nurse for her help then came over to me to help me up. I hoped he'd be gentle but his hands gripped my arm as if it was a lemon he was trying to squeeze. As soon as his hands touched me my head snapped back and the veins in my neck stuck out as I shouted from the top of my lungs. It seemed like the more I expressed the pain I was feeling, the harder he'd press so I tried to keep it down. Biting my tongue, lips, shutting my eyes tight or trying to focus on anything else, but the pain always brought me back. When I opened my eyes I was already on the wheelchair being pushed by my mom and my dad ahead of me leading us to the car.
When we got to the car, he just went in without offering to help me in or anything. I was left to hop into the back seat with only the help of my mom's gentle hands under my arm to support me but let's be honest, even my mom's soft touch hurt. As soon as my mom and I got in, he took off like a mad man.
The car ride was long and silent. My dad took every opportunity to go on speed bumps. Sometimes even going on a different road that he knew had an extra bump or two just to punish me and when we got home, he parked the car and left my mom and me to help ourselves.
We got to my room with me shouting out in pain at least half a dozen times. Some parts of my body became numb so that helped ease the pain… kind of. It wasn't a full minute since I sat on my bed when my dad came barging in
"DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARASSING IT IS TO BE PULLED OUT OF WORK BECAUSE MY WORTHLESS PIECE-OF-SHIT SON CAN'T STAY OUT OF TROUBLE AT SCHOOL?! I don't know why I waste my time with you. You're a waste of money, time and space. If it weren't illegal I'd probably get rid of you but it's a shame I can't"
My mother heard the sounds and came in running "Aziz! You do NOT mean that! Go have a smoke and calm down and istaghfir rabik. What you're saying is haram. He's your son, you shouldn’t be saying things like that!"
He just looked at my, took out his pack and left my room. My mom tried to come and comfort me, play with my hair but it was no use. He said what he felt. He wishes I was gone. My own father doesn't want me…
I told my mom I was tired and wanted to sleep. She knew I was lying but she left me alone. I just laid there staring at the ceiling when I heard my phone buzz. I reached into my pocket, opened it and saw I had a message from Noura...
"Hey is everything okay? I'm really worried about you, your dad did not look happy"
I ignored it and tried to get some sleep. I kept hearing my phone buzz but I didn't bother opening it. My eyes started feeling heavy and I slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
When I woke up I looked at the time and it read "11:45". My bladder felt full but I tried telling myself I can hold it in but it was no use, when you gotta go, you gotta go. I pushed myself off my bed and moved slowly to the door of my room using the wall as support. I made my way to the bathroom and on my way back I saw my dad's cigarettes on the coffee table near his bedroom.
My mind started going back to what my mom said to my dad "Go have a smoke and calm down" she said…. I always read that smoking helps take people worries away but I never tried it because of the bad side effects everyone keeps talking about but HEY, he doesn't want me alive anyway… so I took it back to my room.
Once I got on my bed I took one out and put it between my lips, took the lighter out and clicked it open. I was scared but lit the tip of the cigarette anyway like I've seen my dad do a million times before. I sucked through the filter and felt the smoke enter my mouth and go down my throat. Suddenly I started coughing. The smoke burnt every inch of my throat it reached and it tasted like dirt but the determination to give my 'father' what he wants was greater than the pain…. So I took another drag… and another… coughing every time until I felt my lungs were about to give out and my head spinning.
By the time I was done I had a major headache and felt so short of breath. I put out the cigarette and hid the pack under my pillow and went to sleep.
To be continued...
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